Our Callings

A few months back, a good friend of mine Courtney asked if I would go to Boone with her during the last week of December and meet with some people from INCALink, the mission organization that she is planning on working with in 2012. At the time I said sure, not really knowing what I was getting myself into, but as the time grew closer, and the idea of going to spend a weekend with a  bunch of people that I had never met grew in my head, I realized how odd and awkward and vulnerable the situation could be. Everyone there would have met, and were all interns of the same organization, and Courtney plans on being a Intern, so she had a link to them, but I was going to be just there. But after a bit of thought, I decided that I wouldn’t change my mind, and that I would go. So, this past Thursday, I packed up, gassed up, and Courtney and I headed up the mountain towards Boone. After turning around a few times, we finally made our way towards the house that we would be meeting at. At first, it was awkward, but as the time went on, as we ate together, and as we all played “Dutch Blitz”, I began to feel like more of the group, and by the end of the night, I felt like I had known them all for a long time, and by the time the guys headed to the house that we would be staying in, any previous uncomfort or uneasiness on my part had passed.

Friday morning a missionary of 38 years in Africa came to speak, and he encouraged us to stay focused, stay open, and to encourage others to serve, but what he emphasized most was the importance of serving the Kingdom. It was a truly inspiring message, to hear stories of his time in Africa, and to also hear stories of the other missionaries from INCALink. In the afternoon, we all headed up farther into the mountains to a home of a couple who have been struggling both physically and financially, and we did a service project where we got to clean up, and help to organize and even build a few stairs on the outside of the house. It was awesome to be able to hang out, and do missions in the state, among people who have a heart for missions and for Christ. That night, we all ate together, hung out, played games and watched a movie, and on Saturday morning, we all went out towards Grandfather mountain, and the mile high bridge.

The mountains of NC are incredible, and while standing out in the freezing weather, bracing myself from the 60 mph winds, I looked around me, and saw firsthand the glory and the beauty of God. Later, as we hiked, and got ice cream, I had time to sit and wonder how anyone could look around them, and see such beauty and such wonder and not believe, which is a disheartening thought.

I arrived home a minute after midnight, a minute into 2012, and am now writing to you- anyone who reads my occasionally coherent ramblings. Though I know fully what I am supposed to do from here- serve full time in youth ministry, just being around a group of people with the same heart, a heart of service and  a heart for others was incredibly encouraging as I move into the new year. I think of friends like Casey and Sarah Prince (check them out here), and Wyatt Bruton (check him out here), and now friends at INCALink (check them out here) and the incredible work that they are doing for the kingdom, and I am encouraged, and know that though I may be called to serve most of my time here, there are those serving abroad, preparing the way for the Glory and the Grace of God to permeate, and to overwhelm the people of the world, and to bring peace to the nations.

Free at last

 

A few nights ago, I hung out with a bunch of good friends, got coffee with them, hung out at the Church with them, and among them was Jordan Sasser, and his wife Alex. It’s kind of crazy, actually, though, for those of you reading this who know them, you also know they are kind of crazy too! You see, Alex and I went to middle (I think) and High School together, and if any of you know me or know my story, then you know who I am today is not at all who I really was at Enloe. I didn’t party, I didn’t drink, but I also didn’t live the life I was called to. I was a jerk, I was outlandish and ridiculous (though I still am today), but most of what I did was act like a moronic High School kid with little respect for anyone, including himself. I mocked people, joked around, cursed, occasionally skipped a class to go get a good meal with some friends, drove way too fast, did stupid things off road, and had a generally unsafe time, all the while maintanining a “good kid” reputation with most people I knew, especially those who I went to church with. Now senior year of high school, I had a group of 5-8 guys I hung out with everyday, we went to lunch together, and did all of the insane things I listed above together, and other than myself, only one of them I knew to be a believer. He, like myself was different at school than he was outside of school. But, for a short while, he dated Alex, and in his relationship with her senior year, I see how truly sad I was. Not depressed sad, but the kind of sad where people look at you and scratch their heads and wonder what went wrong sad. I was scared to be me, even around Alex, who never strayed from her faith, and even around Kyle, who was like me, trying to find a way to be himself all the time.

Skip ahead a few years. I’ve forgotten about my shenanigans from Senior year, am now working at Grace, trying to live a better life, and doing ok at it, lived in Africa as a missionary, and am around someone who knew my dark secrets from High School- that I wasn’t who I said I was, and lived life in doubles. As she and Jordan got married, I was able to worship in the same room as them, and see her for who she truly was, and be myself. But, a few nights ago, I finally experienced freedom.

It was late, most people had left Grace, and all that remained was Jordan, Alex, Josiah, Katie Hemp, and myself. After a few goodbyes, Jordan, Alex, Jo Jo and I all wound our way back into grace hall, where Katie was playing on the piano. From there, we hung our for an hour, maybe two, I don’t really know, and I watched and joined in as Jordan and Katie and Alex and Josiah sung, and played, and worshiped, and there, in the moments in a dimly lit room, singing praises to the one who gives us ultimate freedom. I couldn’t help but smile, as Katie busted out some tunes on the piano, as Jordan and Alex and Josiah sang, and as I leaned back against the wall sitting on a stool, watching, and seeing freedom right in front of me, and couldn’t help but grin, as I joined into worship with them, and with him, free at last.

ups and downs? Title it whatever pleases you.

Its been a good week. I’ve gotten a lot done, gotten a few dr. appointments out of the way, hung out with my small group for a few hours, won a decisive battle at eTix that decided I was the most patriotic and knowledgeable in our Americanoff, had coffee with a good friend, and got a ridiculous amount of work done for Christmas and advent and everything at Grace. The sad thing is though, I still feel like something’s missing.

I have a good friend who’s told me for many a month that focusing on trying to find some girl is useless, and that I can find my hearts desires, and become completely full inChrist. Completely true, I cant argue against that, but at the same time as I accept that statement to be true, I still feel like there’s something missing. The sad thing is I have no idea what to do about it. no clue. and its becoming increasingly frustrating as time goes on. Don’t get me wrong, I find joy in a lot of things I do, and in a lot of things I see, and I find that what I do, both at Grace, and occasionally at eTix are very fulfilling, but part of me can’t stop thinking that there's something missing. I have this feeling that its either my heart that things there’s something missing, or my brain, and I don’t know what to do about either. Maybe become a brain dr, or a heart dr. but I have school, so that’s never going to happen.

On the way back from Target tonight (I went to buy a gift… and got myself a toy too…yes a toy.), I had this thought :Christmas is not about what is under the tree, but it is about he who lived his life to die on a tree. Crazy philosophical moment starts…now: I think about Mary, and all of the other people who stood under the tree while the Emmanuel hung on it, and I realize how he lived his life. Christ lived his life thinking not about what was under the tree, but instead he lived his life thinking about who was under the tree, and that who is us. His live was lived for us. yet we live our lives for the petty things, for the ridiculous things of this world, for our hearts desires, however pure or desperate or sensible they may be, i.e., the things under the tree.

I just spat all that out, and now am trying to understand what it means, and honestly I'm perplexed. Like numerous other blogs I write, I’m realizing that I need to put more energy, more time, more emotion, more of me into my relationship with him, because at the core, it is what I need. But, unlike many of the other blogs I’ve written, I’m left wanting two things: more of Christ, and _________ (by ______ I think I mean someone, but honestly, there’s so much nonsense rattling around up there, I have no idea…). So… what to do. I don’t really know. Continue to search for ______ all the while giving it to him, and striving to be closer and deeper with faith seems to be the reasonable, sane, right thing to do, but I think its going to take a whole lot to figure out how to do it. Prayers please? What do you think?

Moments

Sometimes, all I can hope is that if a moment is missed, it comes back around again

My Story

This past weekend, I was privileged enough to be able to tell my story in front of all of our youth on Fall Retreat. It was an honor to be able to tell the story of how my life has been shaped, molded, and formed into what it is today. We stressed the importance of what our stories are, how they fit into the overall story of God, and how they help shape the stories of others.

Last night, I was catching up on some reading that I’ve had stacked up, and came across the following in the book written by Donald Miller; A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: “If I have a hope, its that God sat over a dark nothing and wrote you and me, specifically, into the story, and put us in with the sunset and the rainstorm as though to say Enjoy your place in my story. The beauty of it means you matter, and you can create within it even as I have created you.”

Tonight, I was also lucky enough to be a guest at the annual Eastern FCA Fundraiser Banquet. An old MLB player spoke about his story, and how God used the Good, Bad, and Ugly to shape and mold him into who he is today, and to show him that only he (God) stays constant in our stories.

Though I’ve had a pretty strong feeling that I will have something to do with Youth Ministry, either in the form of work or volunteering or something of the sort, there has always been a small doubt, because its hard to really know. This weekend, combined with the past few days, has completely opened my eyes. After I spoke this weekend, Sass came up to me and told me that he and I needed to talk, and that I was a Youth Pastor. Seeing as he called Casey Prince’s future pretty accurately, including wife and career, I’m somewhat inclined to believe him. But people can tell you anything. Even people who are very believable, people who are very persuasive, or influential, you cant always trust. But tonight, sitting here typing this, and thinking about my story, and how God has lined up a billion different moments to get me to this point, and has lined up billions of different moments to get other people places, I have absolutely no doubts that that is what I’m supposed to do. Granted, I still have a lot of work to actually get there, but I’m so comforted to know that I know where my life is going. and its not because of me. its because of how my story just fits in to a bigger story. I’m trying to say I LOVE MY LIFE. I LOVE how he has created it. I’m so thankful for it.

The lost sheep, and our definitions of love

This morning, our Pastor John had the day off, and a familiar face, Tim Condor came and filled in for him. He spoke about the gospel, and about our “elevator stories”, or the things that we tell random people in elevators, like our profession, maybe what we believe, if we’re being bold, and maybe even who we root for in College Sports. Then he spoke about the lost sheep, and God’s unending, passionate, stupidly risky, undeniable love for us.

Then he asked the question: “What is your definition of love?”

For us to imagine how the creator of the Universe and our Savior loves us, we must first understand love. It makes sense, right?

Lately, I’ll admit, I haven't been feeling it. I haven't felt like I’ve been overcome by Grace, or full of the Spirit, in fact, I’ve felt far from it at times. I haven’t felt like I had been abandoned by God, but I’ve been thinking a lot about where that feeling has gone, you know, the one that you get when in his presence, and full of his spirit, during worship, or when you read something that blows your mind, or hear a powerful speaker, or just have one of those God-moments. Today, I think I figured it out, and hopefully its something that stays with me for a while.

For a long time, I thought I knew what love was, I was in love, I felt loved, I thought everything was ok. But one day that all turned around, and that love that I thought I knew was gone, it had left rather abruptly (at least it seemed it for me). My idea of love was changed. It had once been thing feeling, knowing there was always someone there, loving me (yes, I know I used the word in its definition, get over it) to something that would leave over no fault of my own. In the past months, I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotion, feeling at times like maybe I had found it again, only to once again realize that love, or even loving feelings and emotions were fleeting and quick to leave me. It took Tim today to show me that even though it makes more logical sense for the shepherd to stay with the 99 if I fall away from the flock, or if I doubt, or if I weep, or if I struggle, he will always be there for me, to pick me up, throw me on his shoulders (gently, I hope), and bring he home to the rest of the flock rejoicing.

There’s one thing that remains: his love for us.

Newsworthy

I went to Yahoo today, and headlining article is “What Gaga wore when she met Obama”. Seriously? The most important news article on one of the most visited websites in the country shows that the most important thing in the happenings of the world is what Lady GaGa wore when she met the president. More important than the MILLIONS of starving men, women, and children in the world. More important than the Genocide occurring right now in Sudan. More important than the wildly flawed poverty line in our country. More important than the thousands of homeless living in our country. Ridiculous. Why don’t we get real about what is important: death, starvation, genocide, poverty, pain, struggle, homelessness, and the few million people who have never heard the Gospel.

AKA The Bible

For youth group, we just ordered a bunch of new bibles, so that students with out can have one, and so there are some to use on Sunday nights. Both the front and back of these Bibles have a small message on them…

Check out the front:

“a BIG book that’s really a bunch of little books telling the story of the creator, creation, [UN]creation and NEW-creation, AKA the BIBLE”

pretty cool right? but turn it over, and here is what its all about:

“The Bible is the true story of God and his plan to se the world right again. It began many years ago in a garden where there was life and peace. No bitterness or pain or lying or loss. Just a beautiful relationship between the Creator God and his creation.

The story is headed toward another garden, this time in a city. The new garden will be even better than the original. Gardens, cities, people relationships – everything in creation – healed.

This collection of books tells the story between those gardens. Humans rejected the Creator, bringing death and wrongdoing into the world. But the creator didn’t give up. He was committed to the story, and he was committed to redemption.

So the Creator did something unexpected…”

How AWESOME is that?

WHO am I? WHO are you?

Last week at youth group, Katie spoke on coming face to face with Christ, and last night, I spoke about coming face to face with yourself. It was a pretty in depth talk, one that I used personal examples to explain. Because of how deep it got, and how open I was with the past few months of my life, ill admit it got pretty hard at times, which is why I want to also write about it.

The big question is, who are we? When we look at ourselves, and are completely honest, the truth is it can get pretty rough. Often times, when we are asked who we are, we often define ourselves by our occupation, or hobbies, our talents, or the things around us. Most often, this is called our Identity. When I looked at my life, and was honest, it was clear that my identity was found most in 3 specific things. When I turned 18, I got a car from my parents, and it became my prized possession. I washed it all the time, I worked on it all the time, and it became part of who I was to myself and my friends. I drove the corolla. While I was living away from home, I fell in love and started dating an incredibly beautiful and sweet girl named Caroline. I lived my life for her, going to all of her tennis matches, trying to see her every day, bought lots of things, and every decision I made about money, my schooling, my schedule, the things I did, said, wore became somehow connected to my relationship with her, I loved her with everything I was. About the same time, I met a guy named cam, one who was my housemate at COH. He and I became best of buds, we hung out, we did stupid things together, worked on our cars together, hung out with our girl friends together. I found my identity in him as well.

In all of this, I still had faith. But, with everything else going on, I wasn’t focusing on my faith, I didn’t look to it as much of a part of my identity as I did in my car, girl, and best friend. Though I believed, and didn’t doubt, my faith became less and less.

The things we find our identity in are often the things we think will last the longest. We think that the things we put effort into, time into, will last and so we find who we are as people in them. We build our life around those things. The funny thing is (and this is where I start to get choked up), we are completely wrong. In a split second, the car we put so much effort into is not a pile of smoking wreckage. In a few words, the heart that once loved with all that it was becomes  broken and alone. And after a few tears and a hug, your best friend is getting on a boat to go halfway around the world in the Navy during wartime.

The question becomes, who are you now? Everything you found your identity in is now gone? Where now do you find your identity? For me, the constant presence and pushing of faith and Christ became my identity. Ephesians 43 1-4 (The Message) say this:

^1-4 But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
   the One who got you started, Israel:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
   I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
   When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
   it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
   The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
   all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me!
   That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
   trade the creation just for you.

How incredible is that!? God called me by name. I am his. It doesn’t matter what other things come and go, he will always be there, for I am his. and I choose to find my identity in him.

Where is the Love?

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks on the world trade center. Nearly 3000 people, most of them “innocent” died in 4 total attacks, two on the World Trade Centers in New York, one attack in Washington DC, at the Pentagon, and a final attack, presumably meant for another destination in Washington DC that was thwarted by the brave men and women on board, sadly to crash in a field in Pennsylvania.

Yesterday, as our Nation and the world mourned, remembering the lives lost that day, and remembering the lives of those who have fought for our freedom both before and after the attacks, I couldn’t help but be depressed. Over the past weeks, I’ve read articles, listened to stories, and watched hours of video about the attacks, and those who perished in them. Yesterday, as I watched footage of brave men and women-firefighters, EMS, police, and civilians sprinting towards the towers, even as they fell, sprinting in to save someone, to help someone.  I thought of the families, the friends who are now without them, but I also thought of the families, the friends, the children of those who are still alive, because of those who gave their lives. Those men and women are heroes, but those men and women are also examples- examples of true unblemished love.

From someone who has loved, and recently lost love, nothing strikes my emotions more than true love. Nothing stirs my heart like someone willing to risk it all for someone that they have never met, someone that they may never know, risk it all because though there may be no hope, there is love.

It saddens me to see hundreds of posts, of articles, of videos, and news stories about hate, and anger,of war, and of violence. Republicans and Democrats, Whites and Blacks, Men and Women, Sunni’s and Shiites, Christians and Muslims fighting over what? Most of the time, I feel like we fight over NOTHING. We fight just to fight. We don’t know what the other person believes, but we call them our enemy nonetheless. It saddens me to think that there is hate because of misunderstanding. True Islam stands for the same things Christianity stands for- love, peace, hope. Republicans and Democrats are the same, people, all of whom make mistakes and get things wrong. Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, and every other nationality or race are all human.

If we truly want to take a day to remember those who lost their lives 10 years ago, we aught to remember the sacrifices many of them made, the sacrifices many make today. We aught to remember the Ultimate Sacrifice that was made for us, for us to have hope, for us to have love, for us to have eternal life. And we aught to love. Love ourselves, love our friends, love our families, love our enemies. Just love.

The Calm Before the Storm

10 years ago today, America was bustling. Children were getting to school, businesses were starting the week, yet little did everyone know it was a week that would change the course of history.

Bold in Faith

For those of you who really know me, or those of you who have heard my story, or read my blog, you know that I struggle a lot with my faith at work. Working in a company that is 'of this world', selling tickets for shows that are usually not of the Christian variety certainly can take its toll on your faith. I've often wondered about the question I spoke about a year or so ago: "If being a Christian was deemed illegal, would there be enough evidence to convict you?" A few days ago, a friend at work came up to me and said that he had been reading my blog, and that he liked that fact that I could be so devoted and dedicated to my faith, even though he and I dont see eye to eye on alot of things.

I don't want to gloat, but it really does make me feel really good that someone at work, the place I struggle with the most noticed my faith, and my dedication to it. Though my faith is easily expressed through my writing, and most easily expressed through my actions in places that I am comfortable expressing it, I do want to be more bold in it at work, in my actions, my words.

Paul, previously Saul was someone who came from a life of sin, of anti religion, of everything that stood against Christ, as we all do, as I do, but, after his conversion, he quickly became one of the most influential Christians in the early church. I want to be more like Paul, using the things that haunt my past to help try to write an even more beautiful future, one that glorifies Christ above my relationships, my friendships, and myself. One that on the day I meet my savior, as my good friend Woo says "my savior will look at me, smiling, and say 'well done'".

Matt

Has it really come to this?

 

A few days ago, a good friend of mine, Courtney Weber  tweeted something that’s stuck with me, and its something I hope stays with you too.

Last night I was able to have dinner with her, and talk some about her gap year, and youth group this year, and other things coming up, but we also got a change to talk about what has become a normal practice, an acceptable trend in todays world.

I remember in High School, when it was “cool” to go to parties, and to drink, and to date and have sex. People strived to do such things, because they wanted to be “cool”. Today, things have changed. Its no longer the cool thing to drink underage, and get drunk all the time, no longer the cool thing to get high all the time; no longer the cool thing to have sex with anyone other than your spouse. Now, its just the norm. It’s the social norm to drink, to get drunk, to sleep with people before you're married, to get high. It’s the norm to see the “cool” kids drinking, the norm to see the “geeks”, the “jocks”, the “artsy” kids, the “nerds”, and even the Christians drinking, smoking, having sex. Honestly, its sad.

I just don’t get it. As Christians, we’re called to save ourselves for whoever we marry. Were called to live up to the standards of of Savior, which doesn’t mean not drinking, but just to follow the law, and to not get drunk, or to sleep around, or have sex before marriage, or to get high. My hope is that I can live according to these standards. My hope is that my life would be pleasing to God, and that when people look at me, they wouldn’t see some “normal” guy, but instead that they would see someone who doesn’t fit in, someone who doesn’t conform, someone who lives with a purpose, with a greater calling, and someone whose live can be a living testimony to the INCREDIBLY full life that we have in Christ.

The question is what will you do about this? How can you change the current trends of society? Its a lot more than a hashtag on twitter, but a slippery slope that we have taken a dive off of, and its time for our generation to believe, and to take the power of Christ and take it to the world, to take it to the hungry, the thirsty, the “least of these” and the lost.

“Do not conform any longer  to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind” Romans 12:2

“You're just a conformist if you're drunk and naked, and driving around on a motorcycle, smoking cigarettes and breaking commandments and getting pregnant out of wedlock. Everyone's done that! That's so tired. If you really want to be a rebel, read your Bible, because no one's doing that. That's rebellion. That's the only rebellion left!”- Lecrae, Rebel Intro

I should be dead.

As many of you know, this past week, I got into a pretty nasty wreck, and totaled my car. When I got out of it, right after the wreck, I didn’t think it was that bad, but the more I look at the car, the more I realize it’s a miracle I managed to get out of it alive, much less without a scratch or broken bone or anything.

I’ve struggled a lot lately, wondering why some things have been occurring in my life, where its taking me, and what really is going on. Today, I was able to take a step out of my hectic life and see something incredibly beautiful as my good friends Jordan and Alex were married. Their one wish for the ceremony was that it would be all for Gods glory, and it truly was, it was an incredible time of worship. Towards the end of the service, Jordan sang a song called “You’re Beautiful” by Phil Wickham, and its been on my mind and my heart.

After getting out of a long relationship about 2 months ago, my mind and my heart have been longing and craving to be in love again, to be loved, and to be filled with love. The song Jordan sang is a love song, not to his new bride, but to his God, and its caused a pretty intense realization in my mind; I’ve been looking in the wrong place for love. My God is beckoning, and calling to me with his love, for me to be wrapped in it, for me to be consumed by it, for me to bask in it and his greatness. Listening to Jordan sing his love song has started to stir in me something I haven't felt in time, an intense desire to be consumed by my God. As someone who works for the Church, and someone who tries to lead others in Christ its hard to struggle in your own faith while trying to lead others in theirs, but God meets us where we are, he loves us where we are, and he is with us always, walking with us, and keeping us safe. The fact that I'm able to type this, uninjured after destroying my car is a testament to how great and how powerful and how amazing he is. I’m going through all sorts of emotions and things in my head, but the one thing that hasn’t left my head all day is how blessed I am, to be able to fall in love again and again with a God who has never left me, and a God whose love has no end.

Matt

This is love.

I did a presentation a few months back on this so called "church", and over the past few days, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I would say to someone associated with their organization. Today, a guy at work told me that they are going to picket the Funeral of Jackass star Ryan Dunn. I'm predicting mayhem, chaos, because the other stars of Jackass will probably not hesitate to go nuts on these guys.So, it seems like I should write something about it, seeing as its been all up in my head for a while.

They claim that God hates gays, and you, and me, and soldiers, and loves 9-11, dead soldiers, dead babies and a number of other things. I find this hard to believe. Let me tell you why. John 3:16 says “For God so loved the world, he sent his one and only son and whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” Looking into that verse, I don’t see anywhere that says that God hates you, or me, or anyone. In fact, all I see is Gods abundant love over creation, sending his son so that we don’t have to suffer.

The majority of the WBC’s scripture is based out of the old Testament, and yes, God did some scary stuff in the old testament. But then, he did the unthinkable, he sent his son to die for us, so that we wouldn’t have to endure his wrath and his anger because of our sin.  Also in the book of John, we find a story about water being changed to wine. According to Old Testament tradition and law (found in the Pentateuch), on the way into a wedding, you had to wash your hands, cleansing yourself before entering a Godly ceremony. Jesus, while at a wedding, changed the water from 6 containers used to clean hands before the wedding into wine. This was the first miracle he performed, and was also quite a significant one. In his doing this, he created a new covenant, using Old Jewish Law-water, turning it into wine, a liquid that now stands for his blood. The symbolism changes- no longer do we wash ourselves on the outside, but on the inside through the blood of Christ, that was shed on the Cross for the forgiveness of our sins. THAT IS LOVE. Christ's blood spilled out for us, pure love.

The Westboro Baptist church would claim that the love referenced in John 3:16 is for believers only, or only for those chosen by Christ. Personally I find this to be a bit ridiculous. I think of the story of the lost son, who, after blowing away all of his inheritance, finds his way back to his father who welcomed him with open arms. If we consider the son as lost, which his Father did: v. 24 “for this son of mine was lost…”, then his Father loved him, by welcoming him back with open arms, throwing him a party and giving him a new robe. In the same way, we are welcomed with open arms. THAT IS LOVE. Through we stray away, though we waste our inheritance and ruin our fathers name, we are still welcomed with open arms. Our transgressions are forgiven, our slates are wiped clean, pure love.

 

What is love? Christ is love.

last night

So, last night a bunch of us met at Sass' house to go over a book that talks about sustainable youth ministry. We talked alot about out current programs, how theyre good, and ways that they may need to get better. It was a truly AWESOME night, because it was a chance to really connect with other leaders, a chance to go over the past year and talk about things we can do to make next year even better.

But the best thing is that now im REALLY excited. It was what i needed, a chance to talk about ways to make youth group better, ways to make it easier on leaders, ways to make it more successful, and ways to make it better for the kids. I dont exactly know why, but now im SUPER excited about what is to come, and how awesome its going to be.

Tonight

i really want to talk about tonight. but im going to process it more. tomorrow maybe.

I don’t know how to feel.

On 5/1/2011 Osama Bin Laden was killed by U.S Forces in Pakistan.

He was a murderer, a liar, and a scoundrel. He killed countless people, planned devastating strikes all over the world, and avoided capture for more than a decade. He was the mastermind behind the attacks that  toppled the Twin Towers,  put a hole in the side of the Pentagon, and took down flight 93 in the fields of Pennsylvania.

Today, America, and a large part of the world is ecstatic in the celebration of his death, overjoyed at the death of a madman. It’s quite honestly hard not to be. Knowing that a man who was the head of a terrorist organization who threatened our security, and the security of a good part of the world is dead is comforting. Yet I feel uneasy.

Part of me wishes that he had been captured, so that he could be tried and have to really pay for the crimes that he committed. Another part of me is glad he’s dead, because now we don’t have to worry about him anymore. Another part of me is scared that we could face another attack, in retaliation for his death.

The rest of me, however, is confused. I feel bad for his family, because they face grief, and hardships in his death. He fought for something he believed in, yea, he murdered thousands of people, but apart from that fact that he was probably a bit off his rocker, he was just doing what he believed he was “called” to do. I feel bad for the men who burst into the compound and the men who pulled the trigger, for the man who killed him. He will now forever have the title and the knowledge that he stopped a madman from further madness, but he must also live with the fact that he ended someone’s life. 

For now, all I can do is think. I tweeted way too many times yesterday, but now I’m feeling differently. It’s all confusing… what do you think?

Life is???

Life is really rough now? I'm struggling in nearly every aspect of it, and it's feeling like everything is falling apart all at once. That being said, I could use a lot of prayer. Like alot.

hum.

I almost forgot i have a blog. and now i dont know what to write. so here goes. im part of a new landscaping company... www.45fourlandscaping.weebly.com... and also im going to the beach this weekend, and maybe ill have a cool thought and blog about it or something. im tired. and SO bored.

Pictures of the new GYM Coffee Shop

Some more thoughts...

1. I LOVE the new Passion CD. specifically all the songs.

2. "Sometimes" by crowder is definitely rocking my world right now. Its what ive needed to hear, now i need to figure it out.

3. I just saw this from a friend from Africa... its also something I needed to read.

"There is not a day that goes by that I do not wonder what the crap I’m doing.
What am I supposed to be doing?
Am I supposed to be a worship leader?
Am I supposed to be a writer?
Am I supposed to be a speaker?
Am I supposed to be on staff at a church?
Am I supposed to be on tour busses while my kids grow up?
Am I supposed to be a “pop culture expert” on CNN?
Am I supposed to be a consultant?
Am I supposed to be a pastor?
Am I supposed to be a blogger?
Am I supposed to be …?

Then I opened the word.
I am supposed to be like Jesus.

Jesus didn’t die on a cross so I can be a worship leader.
Jesus didn’t die on a cross so I can be a writer.
Jesus didn’t die on a cross so I can be a speaker.
Jesus didn’t die on a cross so I can be on staff at a church.
Jesus didn’t die on a cross so I can be on tour buses while my kids grow up.
Jesus didn’t die on a cross so I can be a “pop culture expert”
Jesus didn’t die on a cross so I can be a consultant.
Jesus didn’t die on a cross so I can be a pastor.
Jesus didn’t die on a cross so I can be a blogger.

Jesus died on a cross so I can be like him.
And if any of those other things happen because of my reflection of Christ, then so be it.
But we have got to stop trying so hard to become these things when our goal should be Christ Jesus.
It’s better that way.
Los"
http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2011/03/crap/



"Where you go we will follow, im on my knees, oh God send me. Its your love that we adore, its like a sea without a shore, im lost in you."

Gods rocking my world in ways that Ive never experienced. Its been a topsy turvey week, an emotional week, but I know that somethings happening in and around me and I dont know what it is, but im excited to see what its going to be... because he is doing it.

The GYMSOX... coffee shop?

From about 6:00 friday night to about 4:00 Saturday morning, 6 individuals slaved over what was previously the "GYM" and the "Garage". It now has a coffee bar, new walls, new stage, and it is AWESOME. So much work went into this and I've never been happier with something like it.

Tonight, Kim prayed and thanked the Lord for blessing us with the ability to build and create such an awesome place, and for the provision that he provided. Ive never really thought about it like that, like everything we have, everything we are is because of Him. It hit me from a different angle I guess. im still thinking alot, more to come soon, and a picture.

The Modern "Church"

"Let the Glory of YOUR name be the Passion of the Church"- Chris Tomlin

The modern church... what is it?

I know first hand that the "church" isn't always what is should be. I work for a Church in Raleigh, NC. Our church has had its fair share of problems, the financial crisis has hit us hard, there has been some "unrest" among some members, which led to a tense environment. The pastor left, the search for a new pastor took more than a year, and to top if off, the interim pastor started a church as we hired our new pastor. Lots of mayhem. First, some people didn't like how long it took to find the pastor, or didn't agree with the people who were selecting the searchers, so they left. Then, alot of people didn't like the fact that another church was being started, and that some members were leaving for it.

So here is where I am-- I work for the church. my parents left for the new church... yea, awkward.

This has caused arguments between families, has made families split between two churches, and has set two bodies of Christ against each other...

So this is what I think. You should never be looked down upon for leaving a church. You have every right to go to the service at any church that fulfills your needs spiritually. You have the right to attend a youth group, or to volunteer at any church that needs your help. You have the right to attend small group at any church that helps you grow in your faith. AND, it doesn't matter if they are all the same church, or different churches. The key is that all churches focus on CHRIST, not on themselves, and that they exist for one thing and one thing alone- to help people find and grow closer to God.

I desperately want to see this, not just in my church and the churches around me, but in all churches. I pray that every church would exist for the glory of God and the glory of God alone.

The Modern "Church"

Fear

In regards to my last post, not much has changed. Its actually getting harder, the more I fall in love, the harder it is knowing that in 6 months, my love is moving. The only consolation I've found came from a song, that I find talks about love conquering.

"Oh death, where is your sting? Oh Hell, where is your victory? Oh Church, come stand in the light, our God is not dead, he's alive, he's alive"

Honesty,even when it hurts

 

The title of this blog is "the raw truth"... and that means I need to be completely honest, even with myself… and the truth is, I’m really scared.

In just about 6 months, my girlfriend leaves for UNC-W, and that means that she and I are going to be 2 hours away, not able to see each other much, not able to hang out after school, work together at youth group, drive to each others houses when something is wrong, or when we really just need each other’s company. I don’t really know what I’m feeling. I think it’s a mix of fear, panic, sadness, and I don’t even know what else. all I do know is that its not that great of a feeling. I don’t doubt at all that that’s the right place to go, and I'm praying my situation works out and allows me to go visit a lot, and then move there the next semester to finish school, but its still a huge change. I know I’m going to want to drive down every weekend and see her, and hope that she drives here when I don’t, or that we can skype all the time, and talk, and text, but I know that wont necessarily happen. We wont get to talk nearly as much, and we definitely wont get to see each other too much. And its really scary. I don’t really know exactly how I’m going to do it, how its going to be. The truth is, I love her, more than anything else in this world, and there’s a lot of times where she’s the only person I can go to, the only person who I feel safe with, and its hard knowing that the days are getting numbered, and things are really going to change.

I don’t know what to do.

Twitter…

So last night I was driving on the way home, and had a really great idea for a blog post. I forgot it. Hopefully this isn't too bad.

A few weeks ago, I signed up for twitter, but didn’t really used it. The other day however, I began to use it a lot, and now I think I'm addicted. Its pretty crazy to me to think about how easy it is to get “addicted” to something like Facebook, or your blackberry, or twitter, or something like that, and what's even more astounding to me is how much time we spend on worthless things like t. What if we spent all that time on something worthwhile, something that would bring us true joy, and ultimately bring God joy?

What if our time usually spend on Facebook, or on twitter, or on Youtube was spend in the word, or spent fulfilling the call from the end of the book of Matthew saying: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them  to obey everything I have commanded you.” (Matthew 28:19)

That’s all for now. I'm going to go to class soon, and not pay attention, and think of something sensible and moving to write.

Another Thought.

 

I was driving on the way to work today, and had another thought. On Monday night, I spoke at the Magellan FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) about love, as it was Valentines Day. I was thinking about what to say, and in the planning of the speech, I pretty much planned multiple speeches. The one I ended up giving, however, was nothing like the ones I planned. As I stood there, I though about all of the things in life, the hardships, the struggles, and the pain we go through. As much as we say we will love someone forever, we cant guarantee that. As much as I know I am in love with my girlfriend, as as much as I know she is in love with me, and as much as I want that love to last, there's no way for me to guarantee it. Its kind of a hard thing to think about.

 

What I stressed to the students Monday was about everlasting love, love that will never fail, and love that will never go away – Gods love. No matter what were going through, and no matter how we are feeling, you will ALWAYS be loved by God. Its so hard to grasp. Its so hard to remember that no matter how many times we screw up, how often we sin, and go against the things we promised ourselves wed never do again, or say things we thought wed never say again, we do. The wildest part is that the God of the Universe forgives us, and he loves us no matter what. It’s incredible.  Ill end with one of my favorite songs of all time, “How He Loves”

“We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way'

He Loves us”

Thought Dump

1. When coming to type this, I realized that CK and I have the same blog title. weird.
2. I just downloaded Christy Nockels "Waiting Here for You" video from Passion 2011, and promptly turned it into an audio file. ITS INCREDIBLE. I cant stop listening to it.
3. Im going to bed... I should have done it hours ago, but the World wide web got me.

When I got denied from State... the second time.

I don't really know why I though about this today, but I was in my kitchen and remembered the day when I was in the Fish Hoek Internet Cafe in Fish Hoek South Africa, and I checked my wolf paw account to see if I had been accepted into NCSU. It was the second time I was applying, as I didn't get in the first time. This time I was really confident. I had better grades(kind of), more extra curricular, and I was a missionary in Africa! I though anyone would want me.

I remember seeing "We are sorry..." and then stopping. I took off the headset I had been using, threw out an expletive, and just stared at the computer, as Jessica and Christina looked at me. When I finally muttered "I didn't get in" it hit me. The one thing I really wanted was gone. I wasn't going to get in. To be honest, it was one of the worst feelings in the world.

Today I was a jerk to the one person who means the most to me in the world. I don't really know why, but I was. Now, the worst feeling in the world is knowing that you hurt the one person you love most. I'm such a moron. She STILL LOVES ME THOUGH. I don't really know why, I really don't know how, but i'm blessed, so blessed.

Now that I think back to the moment of denial for State, I think about how happy I am that I didn't get in. If I had, I wouldn't be living in a room full of nonsense and a tree house at my parents, I wouldn't be getting paid to do what I love- teach kids about the love of Christ, and I wouldn't be in the relationship I am today, with a Girl is drop dead gorgeous, strong in her faith, and who loves ME of all people. Thank the lord for the momentary pain and unhappiness back then. I LOVE my life. I love my girlfriend, and I LOVE my job.

Passion 2011… the beginning

As I think back to Passion, I cant help to think about how convicted I felt some days. how unworthy I felt at times. how loved I felt at times. and then those thoughts about how I would overcome all temptations, attacks, stress and anything that got in the way of my walk with Christ. then I think about how much I've already failed since I’ve been home. I don’t understand it. I think back to Andy Stanley’s talk about the struggle between Esau and  Jacob. Esau’s momentary temptation and struggle got between him and God, got between him and the glory of God. and between him and the birth of all nations. I think I have a lot of bowls of stew. it seems as if I’m always hungry, looking for a momentary way to fill myself, fill myself with anything, even things of this world that chip away at my relationship with Christ. But Gods a master chef of the biggest 5 star restaurant in the world. His eternal bowl of stew far outweighs all momentary troubles.

“Therefore we do not loose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on  what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”- 2nd Corinthians 4:16-18

 

More to come.

passion

I feel like after a weekend in atl with 22,000 college kids worshiping and going insane, i should have something to say. but for some reason right now i cant get anything out. i might still be overwhelmed. itl come soon.