On Leaving a Legacy, and Finding Hope in an Often Hopeless World : A response to Marina Keegan

I came across an article today written by a young woman my age who just graduated from Yale. (http://www.yaledailynews.com/news/2012/may/27/keegan-opposite-loneliness/) She wrote this piece for the special edition the Yale Newspaper does during graduation week every year, and then tragically passed away a few days later. I'll be honest, when I saw the post labeled "Student's moving final essay" on Yahoo!, I almost passed it by, but thought she was cute, and figured I would look into it. Little did I know, her final piece really was a piece shortly followed by finality, little did I know, it would shake me to my core.

If I had to be honest, and I will, its been a long past few months. Over the past year, my life has changed drastically, and over the past few months, the changes have begun to affect me in new ways, some often depressing, and painful. I've found myself struggling with wondering whether what I do really matters, struggling with thinking I'm not actually as valuable, or as important, or as necessary as I thought. About a month ago, Grace High School youth group started a series it does every year called "Leaving a Legacy", and I've been thinking more and more about what I've left behind, but even more than me contemplating if my legacy is moving or not, I've thought nonstop about where it is I'm going. I've found that I'm reasonably comfortable with where I've been, I've traveled to South Africa, South America, all over the U.S,  done missions, ministry, food service work, ticketing work. I've laughed, I've cried, and occasionally, I've had a pretty good time, but I find that I still question where it is I'm headed. I feel like I've been caught in this lull, doing the same thing day in and day out, never progressing very far, I'ts like I'm like the guinea pig running in the wheel, exhausting every effort and opportunity, constantly in motion, but never getting anywhere.

As Marina Keegan put it, "We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life."

Though I'm always in motion, constantly surrounded by people working, singing, driving, drinking, swimming, yelling, talking, moving, I often find I loose myself in the midst of the bustle, and feel alone, like I'm moving along in some sort of bubble, able to interact with those around me, but never able to fully connect. Sure, I have really close friends, and as they move away, even for short periods of time, or as they begin to progress "farther" along in life, it feels like it only gets harder. I spend time with them, with other friends, with family, but feel like sometimes, I'm just moving, going through the motions, unable to snap out of this sort of perpetual motion.

What I want in life is what I hope awaits me (obviously). A wife, a family, a steady income, vacations, kids, a job I love (pretty sure I've found that one). For now, I know what I have to do. Leave a Legacy. Without even knowing it, Marina Keegan lived life, never knowing her last days were quickly approaching, and affected peoples lives. My hope, aside from my dreams and desires for life, is that through my writing, which will hopefully become more and more regular will affect others as Marina's has affected me. And eventually, I'll find that definition for the opposite of lonliness.

for his glory alone.

This weekend, I’m speaking at Middle Youth Group on the story of the man born blind. In the passage from John 9, some of Christ’s disciples ask Christ if someone had sinned for the man to have been born blind. Christ replies with this:

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

It is often hard to understand seeing glory, and seeing God in the midst of sad, or dark situations. Last Sunday night, one of my friends lost his father to an unexpected heart attack. Ben Taylor, the son of the man who passed was a member of the band at one of our retreats a few months ago. Though I do not know him as well as I would like, I have been amazed at his faith, his perseverance, and his steadfast devotion to the Lord in the midst of such a hard situation. He has tweeted, facebooked, and written verses of encouragement, verses of his devotion, and has shown that in the midst of trials, in the midst of death, sadness, and despair, that his allegiance lies in the Lord, and in him alone, and that through this situation, he sees and trusts that the works of God are being displayed, and that they are part of the plan. It is so encouraging to see someone with such love for Christ, that in the midst of one of the hardest situations I can imagine, he still gives God the glory, and still trusts in him for his hope, and for his strength.

All this Glory.

“In the middle of the mess, there is majesty. In the middle of my chest, is the king of Kings. While the world was waiting on, the chains have come undone, light rolled in… Coming like a song. All this Glory, All this Glory, oh, All this Glory…In the middle of the night, all this light, in the middle of the night, all this light here. In the middle of the night, you are majesty. In the middle of our plight came you King of Kings. While we were waiting on, for your love to come along, light rolled in… Coming like a song.

All this Glory, All this Glory, oh, All this Glory…

In the middle of the night, all this light;  in the middle of the night, all this light; in the middle of the night, oh all this light, in the middle of the night, after all this plight….

JESUS, GOD WITH US, JESUS CHRIST HAS COME, AND I’M UNDONE.”

I’ve been listening the new Passion CD, White Flag, and if you follow me on twitter, you’re probably an ex-follower, or thinking about unfollowing me, because of the 15+ times I’ve tweeted about it in the last hour. BUT, when I was listening to the song the lyrics above are from, I couldn’t help but think about the words. It talks about light coming in the darkness, and I think were surrounded by so much darkness, that sometimes, its hard to find the light. I find myself in dark places so often, in fear, in anger, in pain, and sometimes I loose my grip on reality, the reality that my future is with Christ, as I am his.

Tonight, Katie Henry mentioned a quote from a professor named Dave Moffit, who said “you can’t preach the crucifixion without the resurrection”. I LOVE the saying. So often, we find ourselves in dark places, in fear, in pain, in anguish, and it takes a lot to get out of those places, sometimes it seems like the whole world is against us. But, in that darkness, there is hope, there is light, there is Christ, leading us through the darkness, to the light at the end of the tunnel. After all, light shines best in the darkness. And it is there, even in the darkness, that the light OVERWHELMS us, in the midst of our sins, our failures,  our mishaps, our anger, our hate, our foolish desires, and our fears that we are embraced by all of his grace, and all of his Glory.

Prosperity

If you pay any attention to the “media” version of Christianity, you see people like Joel Osteen and others who preach what is often referred to as the “Prosperity Gospel”, a message based around Jeremiah 29:11. It reads “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”.  The prosperity gospel teaches that faith in God, following Christ, living as he did, accepting his grace and love means that we will prosper, that we will receive more than just his Grace and Love, that on earth, we will be blessed with riches, with power, with whatever it may be that is deemed prosperous.

Now, scripture seems to show different things about this. Look at Paul, a man who preached the gospel with everything he was, who went after the Jews, the Gentiles, the loved, the unloved, the powerful, the poor; he was the same guy who was Jailed and beaten and stoned for his faith and what he preached. In a worldly view, his story doesn’t seem to prosperous. How about we look at Christ, the son of God, the Messiah. Born in a manger, he lived as a carpenter, then he traveled with no money, no possessions, sleeping where he could find someone to let him in their home, all while he preached the redemption of mankind. Then he died on a cross, on a tree amongst sinners for crimes he didn’t commit. He was an innocent man who died another's death. In a worldly view, it doesn’t seem to prosperous. 

Now, what I’m about to say is going to be a little out of the box, but keep reading, and you’ll see what I’m trying to say. I wholeheartedly believe in the prosperity gospel. BUT, that said, the prosperity gospel I believe in is not the same as that of the modern media. I believe, that when you fully dedicate your heart and your life to Christ, you will prosper, because of one thing and one thing only. Gods plan for you. He has a plan for each of our lives, something unique to each of us, like our fingerprint or our DNA. He has something special in mind, something special in our story that is part of his story, something that is his. And to me, living in the plans that he has created for me, living my story as a part of his is the most fulfilling thing that I could imagine. Where do people prosper? When they are happy, when they are fulfilled. Paul came alive by being unashamed of spreading the gospel, something he did with everything he was, no matter how wild life got, or how painful it could be. He found joy, he found potential, he found fulfillment in proclaiming Christ. In a similar way, I prosper by living my story, I prosper by living the story that God made just for me. I believe that when you live the life that he designed for you to live, you are living life to the FULLEST.

Valor.

Definition: strength of mind or spirit that enables a person to encounter danger with firmness : personal bravery.

This past week, I went to see the new live action Navy Seal movie Act of Valor. The movie is a near accurate depiction featuring actual Navy Seals on missions to defend our country from both foreign and domestic threats. I went into the movie expecting my mind to be blown, to be amazed, to be shocked by the action. I was. What I didn’t expect though, is to be moved, and to be touched by the movie. I left, as I usually do after an action movie expecting someone to try to kill me as I walked to my car and for my life to suddenly change, and for me to be some sick nasty Navy Seal shooting a M-4 or 50-cal.  It didn’t. Instead, I left in near tears, as I saw the funeral of a Seal who intentionally died to protect his fellow soldiers. I left feeling indebted to those who go “downrange” daily, risking their lives to defend the country in which I live, and the people I live life with. I left feeling more proud than I ever have of the country in which I live.

Our country is flawed. Every country is flawed, because people are flawed. Democrats, republicans, independents, liberals, radicals, all of them are flawed. But, what they share is an allegiance to the flag of the country that has men fighting daily to protect it. Regardless of your political, religious, and other affiliations, we are all part of a country that men and women have died to make and keep free. My hope is that one day, it will truly be free, that we will get over our differences, and our disagreements, and that people will no longer live apart, but live as one. My hope is that all people, will be proud of the country in which they live.

My best friend is a man of Valor. My best friend is currently serving on the USS Abraham Lincoln, stationed somewhere halfway across the world defending freedom. As I set here and write this, he is currently working, doing things you and I will never have the courage to do, doing things you and I may never actually know have been done. He is working to protect you and me, and for this I am eternally grateful. Cameron Waardenburg is one of the greatest men I have ever met, one of the greatest men I have ever been able to live life with, and I am more than privileged to sit here today writing this, as he is half a world away defending me. And for that, I am forever grateful.

Matt.

 

"Golf Balls"

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and fills it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “YES”.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions. Things, that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.” he said.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are
important to you...” he told them.

“So... pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Worship with your family. Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Spend time with good friends. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled and said, “I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

Please share this with other "Golf Balls"

"the lull"

Not sure if you're like me, but I struggle. A lot. When I lose a battle, or when I screw up, it's usually in one of those "it's not an if he'll screw up, but it's a matter of when he'll screw up" situations. So, if you're like me, after the battle is lost, or after I screw up, I feel like if I go to church or sing a worship song or something along those lines I'm out of place, I'm not welcome or something like that. I call it "the lull". Last night, worship was off the chain at Grace's youth group. Full band, music loud, intense songs, dark room, the stage lights moves and changed with the songs, and the kids got into it. And because I've lost battles recently, I didn't get into it as much as I really wanted. I wanted so bad to buy shut my eyes, sing loud without caring his u sounded and raise hands high and abandon it all, but I felt held back by my own shortcomings. In small group though, we prayed, and I heard words that changes it all. I'm forgiven, and all I have to do is ask. My price has been paid. And now I'm free.