"the lull"

Not sure if you're like me, but I struggle. A lot. When I lose a battle, or when I screw up, it's usually in one of those "it's not an if he'll screw up, but it's a matter of when he'll screw up" situations. So, if you're like me, after the battle is lost, or after I screw up, I feel like if I go to church or sing a worship song or something along those lines I'm out of place, I'm not welcome or something like that. I call it "the lull". Last night, worship was off the chain at Grace's youth group. Full band, music loud, intense songs, dark room, the stage lights moves and changed with the songs, and the kids got into it. And because I've lost battles recently, I didn't get into it as much as I really wanted. I wanted so bad to buy shut my eyes, sing loud without caring his u sounded and raise hands high and abandon it all, but I felt held back by my own shortcomings. In small group though, we prayed, and I heard words that changes it all. I'm forgiven, and all I have to do is ask. My price has been paid. And now I'm free.

The Hardest Things

Sometimes, telling a friend the truth is the hardest thing to do, even if you really really want to.

Mimicking

It's kind of nuts, when you watch a tv show or a movie or something and it goes along so well with what's going on in your life. I was watching scrubs today while trying not to hate myself for putting my body though skiing yesterday, and in the episode, JD, the main character was talking about how hard it can be to speak what you're really feeling in certain situations, even though you think it's needed, and how easy it can be to feel alone, even in the midst of a crowd or a lot of people, even friends. Not sure what it means at all, just interesting I guess. Life's full of ups and downs, just gotta stay positive and keep your eyes open

Fear, and the lack thereof

I'm sitting in my car next to the Observation Deck at RDU airport, the place I used to go to most often when I needed to clear my head or when I was upset or needed to think (and admittedly still do). Its pouring out, and I'm still foolishly considering going to stand outside to watch the planes come in, but I'm only here for a short while while I'm waiting to pick up pops.

I watched most of "Fruitcake and Ice Cream" earlier, a talk by Giglio from Passion World Tour 08'. If you haven 't seen it, you need to. It's an inspiring sermon on Grace, with an incredibly powerful story at the end about someone accepting grace for the first time. In his Sermon, Giglio talks about the perceived moment when we arrive at "the pearly gates", where people think they're going to be scared, while waiting to be judges, while waiting for the doorman to look over everything from our earthly lives, and to make a decision on if we can step across or not. It seems silly, for people who accept and know grace to think such things, but he makes a valid point... We live in fear, no matter how strong our faith is. (correct me if I'm wrong)...

I think about the number of times I came out here during my last relationship when I was so scared it was going to end, and the number of times I came out here after it did. I think about the number of times I was out here when trying to figure out what to do for college. I think about the number of times I've been out here in the past year, afraid of this and that. Sitting here now, I have so much to be afraid of, and ironically I find myself back at the observation deck. But, this time, I'm not afraid. I know that I'll lhave troubles, confusion, pain, helplessness, and hurt, but I know that standing at those pearly gates is Christ. And I don't have to be afraid anymore. All of this stuff, this crap that goes on, he dealt with it already. He bore it all, so that I don't have to lie in fear.

I'm still sitting here; and I'm going to eat my Chickfila now before it gets cold, and before my shake melts.

Don't be afraid. He lives. He has won.

You have set him on fire….

FINALLY. this post is here! maybe long- anticipated, maybe not. It’s here regardless.

At Passion, I met a guy named Jordan. Jordan’s a haircutting mastermind, and also the man. Dude says he used to “spend Grace”, but as I watched him at Passion, sitting through Giglio, Piper, Chan and worship with Hall, Crowder, Redman, Stanfill,  and Tomlin, I watched literally as this guy had his “Road to Damascus” interruption.

From what I know, he’s known all his life about faith, and his dad (also a mastermind with scissors) has been an incredible influence, but after a successful open heart surgery session, and then Passion, Jordan has literally been ON FIRE in his faith. Video after video, small group after small group, study after study, and many different times of diving into the word. I’m overwhelmed. It’s INCREDIBLE to watch, to see a friend completely giving it his all.

He’s got this passion you don’t see in people anymore. Unashamed, he makes his choices as if he were Paul, BAFFLING his friends with his determination and love of the father. And if you’re lucky enough to know him, you know he gives everything to Christ, and will tell you how sure he is that everything that has happened in the past has led to that moment, as just a part of his story, a story that’s been orchestrated from birth by the God who created him. He’s an inspiration. And I’m blessed to know him.

You have set him on fire...

Coming Soon...

Grace like Rain.

So over the past few blogs, I’ve realized how blessed I am. How much at fault we are, how much grace we need.

Last night, during youth group, Sass talked about Choices, and the choices we make, and how we are new creations, and need to let go of our old selves, and be free to make new choices. In the crowd, there were leaders, there were volunteers, there were students, and there were even students who had come from the funeral of a friend a few hours before. There were broken people. There were people in need of Grace. A few minutes into his talk, I could hear the rain POURING on the roof.

With all of the stuff that has happened this past week, with all of the heartache, and the darkness that has set over this area, the rain was a relief, the rain was needed. As I heard the roar of the rain, all I could think about were the lyrics from the Todd Agnew song “Grace like Rain”.

“And hallelujah,Grace Like Rain falls down on me,
And hallelujah, And all my stains are washed away -
They're washed away...”

When heartache comes, when darkness falls, when hope seems lost, when it gets to the point that we can no longer see through the stains that cloud our vision, the stains that bring us guilt, the stains that hold us down, Grace like Rain comes, and washes us clean.

Think about rain. Usually, when it rains, it’s a crappy day, its sometimes colder out, its dark, its muggy, its gloomy, but after the rain comes, its clean, its bright, its beautiful. Grace like rain washes away the crap, all the brokenness, all the pain, and shows the beauty beneath.

It takes a village.

I’ve been thinking tonight about the saying “it takes a village to raise a child”, and how that saying applies to the mess that has hit N. Raleigh this past week.

I’ve been thinking about how many people are blaming the driver for the accident, and how un-whole that truth is. Yes, he was the driver of the vehicle, but he alone is not at fault. She too, was at fault. Every student that was at that party and did not stop them was at fault. The owners of the house the party was at were at fault, for either being so oblivious as to what was going on, or for not caring. His parents and hers are at fault, for not knowing what their children were up to, or for not stopping them if they knew (yes, I know that they probably didn’t expect the outcome). I am at fault. You are at fault. WE ARE ALL AT FAULT.

You might be thinking to yourself now: “Matt, how am I at fault, I didn’t even know her”. This is what I have to say about that: If you are living, and I assume that you are if you are physically reading this, then you are a member of a society that is becoming increasingly ok with stuff like this happening. (and by increasingly ok, I mean there have been numerous alcohol related deaths in Wake County High School Teens in the last 5 years, and they continue to happen without any major repercussion or societal change). We as a society are becoming immune to the pain and suffering that happens crash after crash, death after death. Our village is not raising our children well.

I understand the argument that some people have while growing up, or while raising their children, that our teens need some freedom, that we should let them make mistakes, because that’s how they learn, and they need the freedom to make their own decisions, and the freedom to grow up. I agree with that statement partially: I agree that we as young people need to be able to make decisions on our own, because that is how we learn. But, I find one problem with the overall argument, and that is in our definition of freedom. The majority of our High School students are finding freedom in a bottle, in a pipe, in the plant inside a rolled up piece of paper, in a needle, in a pill, in a bedroom. THAT IS NOT FREEDOM. That is simply bondage to the destructive ways of the society that we live in. You want freedom? Make the choice to not follow the path of your peers, the path of the bottle, the path of the pill, the path of the joint, or of the bong, or of the bedroom. You want freedom? Ignore what CNN, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Lady GaGa, Michael Jackson, Yahoo, Polo Ralph Lauren, Little Wayne, Cover Girl, American Eagle, ESPN, People Magazine, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Elle, Obama, Louie Giglio, Francis Chan, Donald Miller, John Piper, Chris Tomlin, Passion 268 and society are saying to you. Wait, ignore what I’m saying too.

Open your Bible. Read the words given by God. Read the words written by a God who sent his son to die so that you, me, Garrett Prince, Liz Molloy, CNN, YouTube, Facebook Twitter, Lady GaGa, Michael Jackson, Yahoo, Polo Ralph Lauren, Little Wayne, Cover Girl, American Eagle, ESPN, People Magazine, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Elle, Obama, Louie Giglio, Francis Chan, Donald Miller, John Piper, Chris Tomlin, and Passion 268 would not be bound by the ways of the society that we live in.

Then, go into all the nations. and set the captives free.

When Will We Learn?

I sit here today, curious. It is becoming increasingly normal in our High Schools for students to die because of choices they and fellow students make. It breaks my heart every time, and yet I find myself preparing my heart for it to happen again. Year after year, crash after crash, alcohol, parties, and drugs are behind numerous student deaths. Its becoming a pattern.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sad about everything that has happened this past week at Millbrook. It breaks my heart. But why?

When will we learn? How many more students have to die? How many more lives have to be shattered for our students to care enough about themselves, to care enough about each other to BREAK the pattern of death and destruction.

Let the light come into the darkness. Let there be hope, let there be freedom. Let there be life.

A Saddened Heart

I write this with a saddened heart. Saturday, a young woman was killed. While intoxicated, she left a party in a vehicle driven by a young man, who was also very intoxicated. Though people at the party are rumored to have called the police letting them know that someone was driving drunk, the young man eventually drove on Rainwater road, going almost 40 miles an hour over the speed limit, where he lost control of his vehicle, and crashed into a tree. His passenger was killed.

Elisabeth Molloy, a student at Millbrook High School lost her life in the crash, while Garrett Prince, a fellow student survived, and is charged with 7 felonies, including felony death by motor vehicle.

I cant even imagine what it must be like to be a student at Millbrook this week, how hard it may be. Such sadness, such heart break, such darkness.

At Passion, we talked about Freedom. I think about slavery, and bondage, and the type of Freedom that one needs. Now I think about the darkness that this generation is in, the fear that they live in, the bondage to drugs, and alcohol, and sex that they live in, and how easy it is to get into a lifestyle, and how hard it is to get out. Sometimes were not willing to make choices that will better our lives, sometimes were not willing to make choices that will set us free. Sometimes, what we perceive to be freedom, what we perceive is a casual lifestyle is actually a lifestyle that holds us in Bondage, a lifestyle with no room to live as we are called.

In this darkness, in this sadness, in this pain, in this anger, I pray that the darkness will flee, that the light will spring forth into it, and that the darkness will not be able to hide. I pray that in this time, that people will be led to Christ, that they will be led to a life that is healthy, a life that is not bonded to worldly things, a life that is free.

Rise up.

It is dark. It is cold. It is nearly silent, the only discernable noises coming from the bone chilling wind blowing through the plaza. Nearly 45,000 people huddle together, some in small groups, other in large groups, trying to stay warm. The dark shadow of a hand shaped sculpture reaches up into the sky, but it is dark, and it is hopeless.

The clocks strike Midnight. Suddenly, a flicker of light appears, and a candle is lit. Then another, then another. One by one, candles are lit, and like wildfire, the light spreads.

In the midst of a sea of light, the hand, once dark, once hopeless, is brilliantly and blindingly illuminated, and in an instant, there is hope.

A deafening roar erupts out of the masses. Shouts of freedom, songs of praise.

The hand that once stood alone, the hand that once stood dark and hopeless, representing the nearly 27 Million people still without hope, still alone, still enslaved now SHINES brilliantly. As a sign to the city of Atlanta, as a sign to the United States of America, as a sign to the World that there is HOPE, that there is FREEDOM, the hand shines. As a sign to the believers, as a sign to the unbelievers, as a sign to those without hope, the hand shines. As a sign to the darkness, that the light is coming, as a sign to the enslaved that they WILL BE FREE, the light shines.

In less than 4 days, nearly 44,000 broke, couch for coin searching college students, in combination with a few thousand staff, door holders, and people watching online raised THREE MILLION and SIXTY SIX THOUSAND dollars to donate to organizations that educate, rescue, and rehabilitate those at risk of being in the slave trade and those once victims of the slave trade, the slave trade that is larger now than at any other time in the history of humanity.

This generation has spoken. This generation has risen. This generation will not stand for injustice, for bondage, for slavery. This generation has risen, and is taking a stand. Will you?

Lost in Freedom

I'm currently a short while from downtown Atlanta, and just put on "Love like a Lion" from Passion 2010. I'm thinking about this years Freedom cause, and the funds that will be raise to get rid of Freedom this week. One of the lines of the song is "I'm lost in your freedom, from this world I've overcome". How awesome is it that we find ourselves lost in freedom, and are called and able to help others become free! I can't wait for this incredible weekend to start, and for lives to be changed, and to find myself lost deeper in Freedom.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Over this past weekend, we heard a few stories about trouble some missionaries face while in the field. Gangs, violence, and fear face missionaries every day, and often these predicaments and dangers cause many a missionary to either leave the field, or to not go at all, and in certain circumstances, such hesitance is necessary. However, a conversation that I had while yesterday made me rethink my idea of missions abroad, and how I live life here at home, but most of all, it made me think of Freedom, and what I wrote about it a few days ago.(Check it out)

“What’s the worst that could happen?… such a powerful question. What is the worst? Death. Death is probably what most people would conceive as the worst possible thing to happen. One of my favorite songs is “You’re Beautiful” by Phil Wickham, and part of the song says:

“When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing”

When we arrive at eternities shore, where death is just a memory, and tears are no more… impressive views. Death is a scary thing. It means leaving home, leaving everything we know, all the people we love, BUT, it also means arriving at eternities shore.

What would happen, if we lived our life without the fear of Death, without fear of anything at all. We should be careful, whether we are serving abroad or at home, but what if we lived our life and didn’t let fear, didn’t let suffering, didn’t let anyone, or anything hold us back from FREEDOM, freedom to live life with Christ, as living life with Christ is life to the fullest. Think about it. Freedom.

…

“When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim My God, how great Thou art!”