Its incredible, how often we get smacked around by the truth. Often the truth hurts, but every so often, we come face to face with the truth, and no matter how much it hurts, it helps.
Realizations are often uncomfortable, and it’s even more uncomfortable if someone has to help you get to certain realizations. I was having a conversation with a good friend the other day, about some stuff that had really been troubling me, and as I explained to her how it felt like I was looked down upon by others, she happened to help me to one of these uncomfortable realizations. Recently, after a year of living on my own, squandering my wealth, and living life to the fullest, I moved home. It was a disappointment for me, knowing that I had blown some of the freedom that I had. What also hurt me was the place that I was at mentally, and educationally. Through High School, I expected to be able to just get into a large, highly accredited university, but unfortunately, that wasn't the case, and I felt like a failure, like I was better than the place I was at, that I was smarter, smart enough to get into N.C. State or somewhere like it. But when denial after denial came back from schools, I began to turn on myself, and really think of myself as less of a person, less than maybe I really was. I stopped loving myself as much as I had, and it made it hard for others to love me. I realized all of it through one simple text: "Are you sure that’s not how you see yourself in comparison [to others]?"
Ouch. I won’t lie, it hurt. Maybe all along, it wasn't others seeing me as less, it was me seeing myself as less, and putting myself down. It’s not right, but it still hurt. Christ looks at all of us equally. He doesn't love any one of us more or less than another, and he is equally proud of our actions, and equally open to forgive our sins. That’s the raw truth, once again.
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